A Cathartic Process

I’m Writing this post as a cathartic exercise !

It’s been approx. 3 ½ months since my step Mum Ann basically stuck two fingers up to the Page family ! It was a stab in the back and I can still feel the knife and I’m still very upset by her actions. My hour long commute whilst sat behind the wheel of my car, once occupied by thoughts work matters or a quick  call to my dad to check he was alright, now invariably turn to thoughts of my step mum, Ann. I’m still not sure that she adopted the Page name ! And I’m sure my dad would be turning in his Grave,thats if he’d have been buried but he didn’t like the thought of being buried and his body being under the ground, he didn’t even want any of his ashes being buried !..so cremation and a scattering it was to be..

I find myself wishing that they hadn’t got married ! Oh those Christians that aren’t so Christian in their actions, have a lot to answer for.. If there hadn’t have been those accusations from some of the church members at St Georges of ‘you’re living in Sin when you go caravanning’ . I don’t think they would have married !

I also find myself pondering on why Ann never met some one, I’ve known her since I was the age of approximately 4, when she was my baby sitter and then later on when she was a Cub Scout leader. I Also remember arguments between my mum and dad, Once my mum got so angry she threw a hot cup of tea at my dad. This was at a time when My dad never seemed to be around in the evenings. Scouting seemed to be his interest in life and there in the background there always seemed to be Ann, the Camilla of my mum and dads marriage ! All the way through my child hood and into middle life she was there, at my marriage , at our boys christenings, and later on when my mum really wasn’t my mum anymore, robbed by the Alzheimers, Ann and my dad spent a lot of time together and we regularly invited them both over for meals. The children and Family meant a lot to my dad, as must have Ann, so we accepted her into  our Family life.

I think her actions must show, on reflection , how bitter and resentful she must be deep, deep down of my mum and that my dad stayed with her until her death. In that respect I take my hat off to dad for his commitment  to his wife and  religious beliefs. During the discussions about putting some of dads ashes with my mums, Ann physically shuddered, that should have been a warning about how much resentment she had about my mum, That now she had him she didn’t want to share ! not even his Ashes.. !

I find Ann’s selfishness truly outstanding, there must have been lots of points when she could have stopped and thought I’d best do this with the family….. getting into the car , driving up to the chevin, taking the lid off the container.. but no.. once they were scattered, there was no turning back, it can’t be undone…

Here’s to you dad, I resented your absences as I was growing up, but that all changed when I got married and the boys came along. Good bye dad, god bless, love you….

I plan to print this  post and burn it. I hope the act of doing this and scattering the ashes, may put some of what I’m feeling at rest.



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